


Cold hearted, shame

by Achrya



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dubious Morality, Hurt No Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Roughness, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, sex as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:33:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5197571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achrya/pseuds/Achrya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Pietro had a rough past, Steve had said carefully, clearly trying to not give away things that weren’t his to tell. People had taken advantage and it was important that they, The Avengers, didn’t do the same.<br/>Pietro kisses him slowly, a warm touch of lips that become firmer and was punctuated by a breathy sigh and a leisurely roll of his hips."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold hearted, shame

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: This Pietro isn’t really movie Pietro in appearance (I have some issues with the casting of the twins but this isn’t the time or place for that.), but is in backstory. Except he’s not dead.  
> Warnings: Implied past sexual abuse, unhealthy coping all around, sex and...yeah. Yep.

When Pietro slides into his quarters for the first time wearing little more than an oversized t-shirt, showing off long stretches of olive skin and flexing muscle, he hears Steve’s voice in his head, telling him to do the right thing.

Instead he puts down his book on the coffee table and raises an eyebrow in silent question.  

When Pietro walks over, slower than he’d ever seen the other man move, and crawls over him to straddle his lap, knees pressing in tight against Bucky’s hips as he settles down against him, he feels Sam’s disapproving stare.

“Are you going to tell me to leave?” Pietro’s accent is thicker than usual, voice a purr that drips with promise and maybe a touch of a dare.

He lets his eyes linger over the curve of Pietro’s neck, the way his lips quirked up in an almost cruel smile, sharp cheekbones, then up into pale blue eyes like glass; reflecting everything but giving nothing.

He closes his eyes for a moment and can hear Barton, oddly subdued, talking quietly to Natasha about Pietro’. There was a note of weariness, a telling hunch to their shoulders, that said it was an old conversation, something rehashed many times but with no real conclusion each time.

“No.”

He should.

He remembers the first time he saw Pietro. He’d finally gotten tired of running for Steve after two years and agreed to come back with him to the Avengers facility in upstate New York. He was walking, Steve on one side and Sam on the other, bracketing him as if trying to protect him, and pretending he wasn’t aware of the way they looked at each other when they thought he wasn’t looking or of the way Steve smiled for Sam like he’d used to smile for Bucky.

Pietro had been coming from the other direction; clothing rumpled, hair mussed, and a ring of bruises around his neck. He looked pleased with himself, eyes bright and smile big. Even when Steve had broken away from them to speak to the younger man, body language dripping worry and tension, Pietro’s smug expression hadn’t faltered.

He had looked at Bucky, interest lighting up his eyes but Bucky hadn’t felt anything at all and had been all too happy to continue his tour with Sam without a look back.

He would have happily forgotten all about the encounter but it’s hard to not stumble across the sight of Pietro flirting with every available, and often unavailable, person who trails in and out of the facility. Even harder to not be aware of how he leaves the facility occasionally and always on the arm of whoever’s interest he’s caught, and it’s under the guise of dating but nothing seems to last longer than it took Pietro to fuck them a time or two.

People whisper and Bucky hears them even though he’d rather not. They compare notes and theorize where he can overhear sometimes and it’s only a matter of time before he knows that Pietro likes to be treated roughly, held down and bruised and used.

Bucky doesn’t understand it and he doesn’t try to. It isn’t for him to pick Pietro apart or try to make sense of. The world is a messy place and he knows that better than most.

All there is when it’s done is trying to get past it and put yourself back together the best way you knew how.

Pietro makes a pleased noise in the back of his throat and lowers his eyes, long almost translucent lashes brushing over his skin until there’s only the barest hint of blue peering down at him. His lips part and it’s oddly pretty and makes Bucky remember he hadn't done anything like this in...

Maybe 70 years, give or take.

Not that he hadn’t wanted to since then because that wasn’t the case. He’d wanted, maybe even craved, but it hadn't gone past his head. There was an element of conditioning to it, Hydra had been ruthlessly efficient at making him a machine and machines didn't have time for sex or attraction, and the rest was just...Steve.

There was always Steve. Once Steve had been his, small and foul mouthed and big blue eyes and a oddly pretty mouth and he’d been warm and perfect against Bucky every time.

But now Steve was Sam’s. They kept it quiet and behind closed doors and Bucky knew that was all for his benefit but he knew it. Knew the signs, could read Steve in love like he could figure out the best angle to put a bullet etween someone’s eyes.

He adjusted. Put the part of him that had clung to Steve through ice and electricity and breaking away and resolved to leave it that way. He told himself Steve was happy and that was mattered.

Maybe he meant it, maybe he didn’t.

He’s not sure about anything once he lets go of the ‘Steve’ part of him. Not sure of who he is, why he is, or what he wants to do. His head isn’t right and his feels are strange and when he tries to compare them to what he’d felt back when he was James Barnes who lived in Brooklyn and loved Steve Rogers nothing really lines up.

The younger man shifts closer, filling what little space there was between them, to bring their mouths together, and there is no doubt in Bucky’s mind that he was doing the wrong thing. He doesn’t know why Pietro does the things does but he knows Steve warned him off. The silver haired man had taken a run at all of the Avengers, save Barton and Romanov, and it was only a matter of time before Bucky caught his attention.

Pietro had a rough past, Steve had said carefully, clearly trying to not give away things that weren’t his to tell. People had taken advantage and it was important that they, The Avengers, didn’t do the same.

Pietro kisses him slowly, a warm touch of lips that become firmer and was punctuated by a breathy sigh and a leisurely roll of his hips. Thin nimble fingers sink into his hair, winding strands around them and pulling until Bucky’s head was tipped back. His tongue touches his bottom lip, the barest brush of wet warmth, then flicked up, licking past the crease and inside.

He tastes of mint and vanilla and it’s just all wrong and he’s supposed to be doing better things, being a better person, but he goes with it anyway.

Pietro isn’t Steve and Bucky doesn’t pretend that he is.

When he slips to his knees he doesn’t waste time in yanking his sweats down. Bucky’s cock curves up when it’s freed and he’s hard and precum is oozing from the tip. Pietro’s hand wraps around the base and he hums, pressing his lips to the tip and letting the sticky fluid there rub against them. He opens his mouth and his tongue darts out, swiping over the head then dragging down along the underside. Pietro trails back up, tongue curled around the shaft and mouthing along his skin. He licks and pets for a time, almost teasing with the warm touches and soft licks but when he finally opens up for Bucky he does it with eyes gleaming. He is very much not Steve but he looks just about as nice with his lips stretched wide around his cock, eyes wet and leaking, spit dribbling out of his mouth and over his chin.

When Bucky pushes in deep, uses his mouth with none of the gentleness he’d always used on Steve, tiny delicate Steve who is long gone now, and holds him in place with all of that enhanced strength Hydra has been kind enough to give him Pietro moans low and long and strains to swallow around him. When the metal hand presses into his skin he shudders and his eyes flutter closed, expression something like bliss.

It’s satisfying in the worst kind of way because he knows he’s wrong and it’s just on the edge of violent and there are going to be finger shaped bruises curled around the back of Pietro’s neck in the morning and the thought just makes him fuck the other man’s mouth harder.

After Bucky comes down his throat and Pietro swallows it all smoothly he gets up looks like he’s going to leave. Bucky wonders if that’s how it always goes, a heated encounter to bring whoever he’s with off and then slipping out silently.

When he uses his left hand to drag Pietro down and gets a panicked yelp and a ‘wait’ he think’s it probably is. The other man man ends up in his lap, back tight against his chest, legs open and head tipped back. Bucky wraps his flesh hand around his cock and Pietro gasps out another ‘wait’ then shuts his eyes and bites his lip.

Bucky fits his mouth over his shoulder, sucks and bites, leaving dark marks up to his neck, and strokes him off with firm practiced strokes. Pietro makes quiet broken off noises and stays statue still right until he comes. In that moment he tries to curl over on himself, as if to hide, and the noise he makes is choked and wet.

Bucky untangles himself so he can wipe down and isn’t surprised when he comes back to the living room to find Pietro gone.

There’s a strange heavy feeling in his gut but he isn’t sure if it’s guilt or shame or just the afterglow, so he sets that aside like he does everything else that doesn't make sense. 


End file.
